I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
