she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's blow job season.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
