I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
