I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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