walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
