If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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