the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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