If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
