How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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