Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
