I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
