you win again, gameday.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
