Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
