I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
