I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
