quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There are leaves in my underwear?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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