I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
