id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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