Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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