I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
