just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
