i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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