Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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