dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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