someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Duck Duck Cougar?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she smelled like a LAN party
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
