I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
