I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
