I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize