I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
