As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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