Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
