I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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