We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
