Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
