my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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