I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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