: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
