I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
