dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize