I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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