i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
