I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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