you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
