Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
