She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
