she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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