I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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