420 ftw
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
