need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize