I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
