Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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