Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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