shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
