I am puke
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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