Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
