I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
