he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
