I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she told me i tasted like america
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
