At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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