we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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