Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
