I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i out mim tonsoeep
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