I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
