is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
