I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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