my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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