Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
