Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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