Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
