tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
