Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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