he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i will never coherently bang her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
