so that wasnt chicken after all
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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