im drinking this country out of the recession.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
