I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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