yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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