Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
