she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
