he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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