I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize