What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
