When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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