Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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