Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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