i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize