there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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