I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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