He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize