hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
