i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
