it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got inside last night via doggy door
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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