YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
