woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
