Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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