If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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