im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
