omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I had your ass I would rule the world
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
