Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
