Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
