You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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