Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
