Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
