any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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