She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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