It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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