what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
