Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
