how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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