So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize