we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
