I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
