So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
