In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
