I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
